she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
