haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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