When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I AM VODKA MAN
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
