I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
