Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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