OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
