I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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