allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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