It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
