I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
