I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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