The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
