Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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