Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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