what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize