that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
