Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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