every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
