You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
