Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I CAN MOONWALK!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
