You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
