You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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