Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
