tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
