My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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