i need an iv and a liver transplant
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
