Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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