so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
