Pregnant stripper...not hot.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Randomize
