We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
