My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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