She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
