Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
