i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
