Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My dick has a subreddit
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
