She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
