About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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