my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
