So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
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