hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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