I wish i was in the wii world.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
