Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
