I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
