I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
