Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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