You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
well most of my day revolves around power hour
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My penis needs a shock collar
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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