I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
