I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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