Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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