Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
