Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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