I think I won the penis lottery.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
