you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
