My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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