He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
