By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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