Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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