At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Woke up backwards on a recliner
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
