Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
