On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
