Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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