Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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