I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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