dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
