What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
