I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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