peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
