dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
