So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
