You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It's never too late to be topless.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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