kristin has been a bad kristin
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
