Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
